Oro-Stimulator - Too Good To Be True

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Oro StimulatorThere is a popular phrase that I try to keep in my head at all times. Well there are several actually. Mostly quotes from The Golden Girls. But in this case it’s one of those life-phrases. “If it sounds too good to be true it probably is.” That’s why I was very interested to see what the Oro-Stimulator was like, because it’s claim to peen fame sounded pretty incredible. “Strokes up and down your penis…all by itself!” Yeah, sure, next thing you’re going to tell me is that we are blowing up the moon. Well I am an equal opportunity masturbator so I decided to give it a whirl.

When this toy arrived and I opened the box I felt like I was in over my head. Mostly because there was assembly involved. Not heavy assembly, but it really doesn’t take much to make smoke come out my ears and springs to pop out of my neck. There were three whole parts:

  • - A soft sleeve
  • - A bit of tube
  • - A small round ball-pump

It took me about 3 minutes of whining but I finally got it put together. I was at work so I put it on a dildo to see how it worked, and it looked like it might feel kinda nice.

Well when I got it home and lit some candles I decided to try it on the real thing. I used lots of lube and cautiously poked my noodle in the sleeve. It was soft, nothing to write home about just yet, but fine. Then I started pumping and the unit moved ever so slightly up and down with each pump. I fiddled with it a bit to see if I could make it cover more ground, but it remained in a state of minor mobility.

As you pump you build up suction, which is fine at first but then it gets to the point where there is no more suction to be had and the unit itself just sits there through each pump. What’s worse, as if jacking off manually wasn’t an energy leak as is, pumping that little ball made my hand tired fast (this may also be because I am horribly out of shape). It got to the point where it was very obvious to me that this thing wasn’t going to do the job so I just gave up. Boo-urns!

I really like blowjob toys, but toys are supposed to be fun, and sadly this one fell a bit short of my hopes. Though like I said before, I didn’t really expect it to do much, but the concept is cool!