Monkey Spanker Review

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Monkey SpankerWith everyone going gaga over the Fleshlight and me being in love with the Colt Power Stroker, I decided to check out a few other options that I may have overlooked. My eyes always pass over the Monkey Spanker because of several reasons. The name makes it sound cheap, the packaging is crap (literally it is just attached to some postcard in a ziplock baggie), and it looked like it would do more harm than good. But hey, this site is part sex toy review and this is a sex toy, so let’s review it. You never know!

Ok for starters, can we all just LOL a bit at the name Monkey Spanker. The package even has a picture of a very happy monkey on it. It’s as though someone branched off from Fun Factory after his ideas were considered too dark for the company, trained winged monkies to build this sex toy, and now he is unleashing it upon the world in a Wario-esque Bomb-Omb of revenge and terror. Or maybe I just need to start wearing a hat in the sun...

Regardless, the Monkey Spanker has some serious bragging rights that it lays claim to:

"First there was the Rabbit, for girls. Now there is the Monkey Spanker, for men!"

Comparing yourself to The Rabbit (a popular vibrator for women) is like me saying "First there was Brad Pitt..." But everything about this toy has a very cheeky bit of humor to it, so I accept it as that, especially upon learning that it is actually manufactured in the UK. You Brits and your humor. I am in love with it and frightened by it all at the same time.

Anyway, this review is getting out of control. Let’s focus.

Monkey SpankerMonkey Spanker claims to be made out of medical grade material. It doesn’t say which materials, though from the feel I can guess that the handle is a medical grade plastic and the sleeve portion (that soft circular part) is silicone. That means only water-based lubes, so I pulled out some Maximus and went to town.

I am both happy and sad to report that I actually love this blow job toy.

With a good amount of lubrication, this toy glides up and down with ease, and it feels surprisingly good! The addition of a vibrating bullet in the handle sends small vibes to the soft sleeve and right into your dick. Alternating strokes makes the experience even better! Not having to hold a bulky sleeve in your hand makes this toy feel completely unique and easy to use.

There is nothing like cumming from a toy that you sincerely doubted before you started using it. You almost feel guilty, like it knew all along how foolish you were to doubt it.

This doo-dad is only $35-$40, half the price of the Fleshlight, and it has the option to vibrate, is compact, and a helluva lot easier to take care of and clean up. What can I say…I am a fan.